The Last Post?

Time to reveal, why I named a girl Alfredo.

KISS


P.S.:

Time for some rest

Greetings Followers

The last 5 months here at Alfredo's Project were amazing! But unfortunately, me and Agent Hara have some other business stealing our time, like trying to pass philosophy...... wait.... that is Agent Hara, I'm just delayed in my funky porn....

And because of that, there will be a break for indefinitely time here at ANTGLP. (It's only until we kill a certain philosophy teacher and clean all evidences). We will start with Hara's Answer Post and continue normally after that.

Until then you could send us some ideas (by blogger, twitter, facebook, whatever) for new challenges, music, films....... 

We leave you with a music wish is bumping in our music players. Felling Good from Nina Simone.

So until next time eat well, eat vegetables, read the comments before you watch a random porn movie and please do not see Kick-ass!!! It sucks.


KISS

Selection Post: Cleaning my blood from groovy substances

Greetings Agent Hara

Despite your spectacular challenge, I hope you read this post sober (hhihihihihi). The current challenge killed our images of geek and straight guys. So, to correct that, my movie for this selection post is about drugs (30 seconds to reread the last paragraph). XP

The movie is Leaves of Grass from Tim Blake Nelson with Edward Norton in the two main characters. The history is about two twin brothers, one was so stupid that become a famous philosophy teacher (remind you someone?) and the other is a genius who become a not much successful drug dealer, despite his amazing weed plantation!!!

I don't speak more about the movie, except, YOU MUST SEE IT!!!!!! Really awesome.

For the music I noticed two things for this time. First I never present Portuguese music and second (and most important) you said to me that you don't (fucking) know Ornatos Violeta! Because of that, my music selection is Quim Barreiros!....................... just kidding................ ORNATOS VIOLETA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ornatos was an historical band from Porto who played together between 1991-2002, the leader Manel Cruz is (in my opinion) one of the best Portuguese song writer and after that also have 2 projects "Pluto" and "Supernada" and actually also have a solo project "Foge Foge Bandido", totally crazy! The band have 3 albums "Cão!", "O Monstro Precisa de Amigos" and "Monte Elvis".

To end this post I'm going to present two amazing songs from them "Ouvi dizer" and "Capitão Romance", the second is a duet with Gordon Gano, vocalist from the Violent Femmes!!!!!!!!!! (true story sis)

As always I hope you have liked it and be strong! It's only a few time missing until philosophy disappear from your life.  

KISS

P.S.: Hope you don't notice the release date from the movie (July 2010 kkkkkkk)

Answer Post: Chuck Norris does it Better

Greetings Agent Hara


I've loved your Fisheye photos, the only thing I didn't understand was "Why so confused?" (hihihihi).About this round, I'm truly happy for having this opportunity to make a  tribute to our beloved Chuck Norris

So without further ado, I gave you the official ANTGLP's Chuck Norris Facts List:

1-Chuck Norris is so awesome that he will never read this shit
2-Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer (including blog cancer), shame he never cries.
3-If some of ANTGLP's Agent were replaced by Chuck Norris, the only thing he would needed to respond to a challenge would be a picture of himself and it always would be epic.
4-When Chuck Norris makes publicity for a certain company, the success is so big that, they don't offer him a salary... they offer the entire company.
5- One day Alfredo challenged Chuck Norris.......... and he (Alfredo) didn't get laid again....
6-Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
7-One day Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burguer King and was attended.
8-Ghosts are a result of Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
9-When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up... he pushes the earth down.
10-Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you
11- Chuck Norris doesn't have nightmares, nightmares have Chuck Norris.
12- Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
13-If Alfredo's wing man were Chuck Norris  this blog would never have existed....

I've loved the time I spent doing this list, hope you like it too. XP



And your new challenge is.....



It's QUEIMA time!!!!! Time to say goodbye to the older students, music, party and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of........ wait for it..... ALCOHOL!

And that reminds me of something I've been noticed in our nights out. I always miss when I have to buy you a drink! For that reason your challenge is tell me your 13 favorite drinks and (at least) 1 recipe!!!! The presentation mode is (as always) optional.
Have fun and please.... do not ask Alfredo's help for this challenge!!! Is for your own good.


KISS

Answer post: Fisheye makes my head dizzy

Greetings Agent B.,

Your answer to the Easter challenge was delightful, especially your reference to Chuck and our beloved Aquilae disco. And if jay leno took charge of ANTGLP, i would kick him in his Easter Eggs.
Operation "Say Cheese!" went wonderful, although I had to call for backup on the meanings of B N L, and I certainly don't know how to work with Mix yet. And after I have taken every photograph, I always ended up looking to the camera and thinking "okay, lets see how it looks like". I guess i'm not used to analog.

So, without further long, I give you my 13 best attempts of fisheye photographs:

This was probably one of the firsts. Since this type of angle is used on cheasy rap videoclips, here's some gangster faces (The milk carton is to show that gangsters prefer some chocolat milk in the morning instead of drugs or alcohol):





Since the camera has an option for long exposition (which should be the L one, but it's B), I decided to try to shoot some lights and here's the result (not that much of a thing):



The next stop is flowers. I broke into someone's garden to shoot them, and ened up making the mistake of not grabing the lent protector. Begginers mistake I guess:











The rest of it does not really have a story, except for my master piece (the bathhouse) in which involved me semi-naked taking photos of semi-naked girls. Too bad the light was not good enough.
And of course we have a picture of sweet Alfredo during her process of ingestion:













Hope you like it, 'cause I sure enjoyed looking like crazy with a weird camera at school. oh the youth. (no sarcasm intended)
As for the second part of the challenge, I'll definitly post some of them on YELLOW ROLL, with the caption you asked for.


So I've been low on ideas, and for your challenge I bring you a list. Again. But since you're a college guy with lots of serious stuff to do (roll on mud, lend pairs of pants, do gymnastics, watch Chuck and so on) I figured it should be something that would not take much of your time. So I bring you the "chuck norris list".Your challenge is to make a list based on your opinion of the 13 best chuck norris facts, 7 of them related to ANTGLP. I know. Not much of a challenge...but that's all we've got for this week. Your challenge ends 1/05 at 13PM




Good luck.

Be safe, be well, eat fruit and remember: Eating chips and milk for breakfast is not a good mixture.

KISS

Selection Post: The revenge from the Page

Greetings Agent Hara

I understood your friendly obsession by Ellen Page, in fact, I admire it but this selection post will teach you how to honor someone here at Alfredo's Project.

So in this post we will honor my music God Mr. Jack White.

During is career he played in several bands but I'm only going to speak about the three most important The White Stripes, The Raconteurs and more recently The Dead Weather.

The Raconteurs have 2 albums: Broken Boy Soldiers and Consoler Of The Lonely. And theirs most successful single is Steady as she Goes:

The White Stripes have 10 years of history 6 album, lots of singles and 2 movies. They are probably the most unusual duo in music history and....... wait for it.... they are not brothers! In fact they are ex husband and wife since 2000. The movie under great white northern lights is really amazing and Icky Thump is one of my favorite songs.

His last project is The Dead Weather and they have tons of power (and alcohol). They have started in 2009 and already have one studio plus one live album, and plans for the second studio album (very very fast). And surprise surprise! Jack is on the drums! THESE GUYS ARE CRAZY! AWESOME!!!!!

Jack also entered a movie called It Might Get Loud! No words about it... just guitars. Three amazing guitarists Jimmy Page (Led Zeppelin), The Edge (U2) and the great Jack White (of course). Incredible......

Hope you have enjoyed the lesson

KISS


P.S.: I forgot to mention that Jack is the number 17 in the list of the best guitarists made by RollingStone

New Challenge: Fuck digital! Let's do it old school!!!

Greetings Agent Hara

It’s now time for your fourth challenge, code name – “Say cheese!!!”

I’ve notice your other blog has been practically stopped since you became an ANTGLP’s agent. I don’t wanna be a reason for your lack of time so your next mission it’s going to be so awesome that you will need to post something about it at the YELLOW ROLL

Before the mission even started I’ve sent to you a “Fisheye” cam and also gave you some vital instructions to use it. Your mission is capture many photos you want and present your 13 favorites, as always you’re free to choose the way you want to present them.

And don’t forget your other blog! Do like you use to, first a picture then write something nice, use your imagination. By the way, if you mention my name you must say how ugly, smelly and sexually available I am (apparently women like it) and that is not optional!!!

About the Fisheye, there are three reasons for choosing that camera:

1. This is a Lomography cam, and Lomography is an artistic movement of photography which I truly admire.
2. It has a lens capable of capture almost 180 degrees around it (don’t be surprised if your feet accidentally appear in the picture hahaha).
3. And it’s really awesome.

You probably need to go here to learn the 10 golden rules on Lomography and your deadline  is 13 PM 18/04/2010

Have fun and remember cups of beer left near urinals, they usually aren’t full of beer.

KISS

P.S.: A few weeks ago Marta requested that hers artwork for Alfredo’s birthday present was exposed here at ANTGLP’s Blog.
P.P.S.: I’m offering to do it under the condition she needs to actualize her blog too. (I don't care if it has cancer)
P.P.P.S.: I hope not. But if she mention my name, she also needs to follow that non optional rule.

Answer Post: I'm with Coco

Greetings Agent Hara

Before I show you the answer for the last challenge, let me say that it’s being really funny sharing this crazy blog with you, despite some grammar mistakes and a certain naked woman (who wasn’t naked). About the pins, I knew that you’d like drawing those pins, which by the way are amazingly awesome!!! (Still waiting for it…). Nice work my child.

And now it’s time to get the job done. If I remember correctly you wanted a list of the 13 worse things that can come out of an Easter egg. You also gave 3 examples for the list, but I’m only going to use 2. Because, if I really understood the “symbology” of the first, I must disagree with you on that one (friendship reasons).
So here’s the list:

13 and 12 - The philosophy test and drunk Alfredo – So agent, I admit,  these are prety bad. But my sadistic mind can do really worse.

11 – Another Egg – At first you could think – Yeah free egg! – But then you realize that, if instead of a surprise gift, is a smaller egg, the gift inside the second egg is going to be smaller too. I usually like to keep things short and simple, but, when it comes to eggs I love it big! Like Big Mike’s size (you know what I’m talking about).

10 – Coupon – “Congrats you’ve eaten one of our smelly and bad tasting eggs! And now you won a 10% of discount in an also miserable prize!” – Imagine all the crap who could cam with this: Soundtracks of “Morangos com Açúcar”, Barbie’s and Action Eunuchs, trips to “Três Minas” or “Soutelo”, or…..wait for it…. can’t believe I’m going to say this….. A SMALLER EGG! AAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

9 – The Code – Is the name I’ve created for those situations when, we need to send a text message with “the code” (or something similar) for the possibility of winning a prize. “We sell thousands of empty eggs and gave away only a dozen of gifts, so, anyone can call us crooks”. In conclusion this is bad because you pay for the egg, then for the message and the possibility of winning something is 1/100000.

8 – Nothing – this one is like a borderline between the bad and the horrendous. I must warn you! If you’re not impressed with my work so far, do not underestimate me for the top 7.

7 – Naked Kramer – Seinfeld was probably the first American TV show that I’ve seen and probably one of the best. Kramer was a main character of the show. I remember him when I see Chuck’s friends (especially Jeff and Morgan). He was fantastic but in a couple of times he has appeared naked, and that my friend wasn’t awesome (believe me). I also know that you’re really fancy for the “naked man” but you should pass Kramer.

6 – Lifetime Pass to VPA’s Disco – “Welcome to Sausage Land, where you can find 30 man for each woman, the music sucks since we open until we close and you can spend 25€ in only 3 drinks!” – I do not waste more time with this one. (Actually I spent 26€ in 3 drinks).

5 – Mom’s recording messages – You probably know that when I was young I wasn’t exactly an easy child. My mom was always telling me: “Go to bed”, “brush your teeth”,”do your homework”, “don’t play with your sister’s nose”, “and don’t do experiments that could burn the house!”… She told me that so many times that one day she threatened me that would record those sentences and play them if I was doing something wrong. You have to admit this is much worse than the “music box” which you’ve referred at the other post.

4 – Sunglasses in a rainy day – This is the group of gifts, which are amazing, but for some reason also useless, like sunglasses in a rainy day, skis in the desert, a parachutes in a cave, condoms at Alfredo’s house….

3 – My book of jokes – If I ever write a book of jokes the average of suicides would increase in 31% (this scientifically proven). So my evil plan for the future is to write a jokes book in croatian. Because I love Croatia!!! “TE SISANJE”. Under any circumstances do not open an egg if you don’t know who gave you (could be mine hihihihi).

2 – Nerd Remix Album – There are some people, like us, who sometimes express themselves with “Fame Quotes” from movies and TV series, like, “awesome”, “suit up”, “It’s over 9000”, “This is Sparta”, “I love being purple”… But they (we) aren’t the nerds; the real nerds are the guys who upload remixed versions of those quotes to YouTube. Now imagine an album only with quotes remixed.

1 – “The Letter” – When I first read your challenge my first Idea was Chuck Norris jumping out from an egg and killing everything around him only with a blink of an eye. But then I realize that would be awesome. And latter that day I have a crazy dream, where I was eating an Easter egg and inside of it I found a note like this one:

Greetings Agents

I come this way to inform you that starting from this moment I will be assuming the control of the entire operation “Alfredo Needs to Get Laid Project”.
 
In other words, your blog it’s mine!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 

Hugs and Kisses
J. Leno

Thank God it was just a dream! I’m hungry!!!

I will be waiting for your verdict concerning this creepy but sweet list. See you on round 4

KISS

P.S.: Chuck Norris is so awesome because he was the only thing we could not stick inside an Easter egg.
P.P.S.: To have an idea how I woke up in that morning click here.
P.P.P.S.: Camping with negative degrees could be a good reason to burn the camping tent next to you.

Music and Video time

Greetings Agent B.,

This is also the space reserved for me to try to demonstrate how culturaly evolved i am (cof cof).
So for this fortnight less two days, we have Ellen Page. Again. And yes. I can't remeber any movie less boring. So I bring you: JUNO,also with a young men kind of annoying called Michael Cera. I gave it 10 because Ellen Page is awesome and the soundtrack is hilarious. Which is, btw, the music selection as well. Try not to fall asleep while watching it. hehehe





Kiss
So be safe, be well, eat fruit and remember: Camping with negative degrees might not sound such a good idea.

Answer post: The pin thing

Greetings Agent B.,

I must say I liked your answer very much. And your song brings sun, light, happyness and joy to every corner of Alfredo. Congratulations, it was a success!

So, for the pins: You have to agree with me on this matter, agent. YOU HAVE A THING FOR PINS! And that stinky website only brings trouble, it's too slow. when you become a successful computer engineer, please give a hand on that website, would you?

So here it is...The 10 (plus your other 3) official pins of Alfredo Needs To Get Laid Project (ANTGLP) are:






























Agent, when you said "enjoy yourself", I had no idea this could be this fun. The "coming soon" pin will eventualy come, you just have to "wait for it" (hahaha)

So for you we have a list. Since is Easter time soon, your challenge is to make me a list of the 13 worst things that can come out of an Easter Egg (those huge chocolat eggs filled with air and a thin shell of chocolat).You can present it the way you want. I'll give you three and you can put them anywhere on your list. Or don't put them at all, your choise:

1.A music box with the song we kept on listening OVER and OVER and OVER on saturday mornings;
2.A philosophy test;
3. Drunk Alfredo.

Good luck. Your challenge ends on 5/04 at 13P.M.

And don't forget,
Be safe, be well, eat fruit and remember: Drinking tea in the morning makes you pee all day.

Selection Post: Treat Me Like Your Mother!!!

Greetings Agent H.

This is the time when I talk like a fagot I try to show how cult I am......

And as usual, first the music, I present to you Sigur Ros! An unusual band from Iceland, they play together since 1994 and have musics full of symbolism and funny names like "Sé lest", "Sæglópur", "Mílanó", "Gong", "Andvari" and "Glósóli". The one I'm going to present, and probably theirs most famous song, is "Hoppipolla" (I couldn't post the video clip but you should see it because it's really amazing).

You probably don't know, but this music was shrouded in some controversy because the band accused BBC, and other english TV channels, of "violating" the music by playing it during several TV shows and publicity spots. In England they don't need authorization to use musics like that.

And for the movie I present Peter Jackson's "Lovely Bones"

You, better than anyone, knows that I'm not an expert in movies I just like to see and talk with friends about them (without spoiling too much hihihi). So just see it and tell me what you think about it. I gave 8 stars on IMDb

Hope you enjoy it and don't drink too much water from the toilet!!!

KISS

Selection post: I'm alive

Greetings Agent B.,

Don't worry I'm alive, safe and well.

For what should have been last week's post, I bring you Freddie Highmore in August Rush (translation: Augusto Rocha hehehe). It's a good movie to make jealous of someone who thinks it can play the guitar (cof cof) or any other freaking instrument



For the music selection, I don't have an album, I have a music that kept bumping into my head last week. I'm not sure you will like it.



And that's it for today.
Be safe, be well, eat fruit, and remember: next time I WILL PAY!

New Challenge: I pass algebra yeiiiiiiiii!

Greetings Agent H.

I was so occupied chewing gum's that I forgot to think in a challenge for this round.

So just wait a minute. Let’s see gum's are normally rectangles so for this round we going to have circles. Circles and awesome joined together what we make…..right!!! PINS!!!

Just a little second more….. There they are!

OK… your challenge is to present the first 13 official pins from Alfredo Needs To Get Laid Project (ANTGLP). You don’t really need to make them. You only need to go to lojadospins.com and use their software and your imagination to draw them, and lucky you, I already draw 3 so you only need 10 to complete the collection.

An e-mail with some help and info should be delivered to you until the end of the day. Your dead line is 13 P.M. of 23/03/2010.

Enjoy yourself

KISS

Answer Post: Think twice before you read this!

Greetings Agent H.

For this round you give me a challenge quite different. As usual I tried to do something very different than you originally ask. In fact is something common between you and me, when I ask you about the worst disguises for carnival I was hoping that you talk about the pijamas’ couple who was having sex on “Eris” (they were much more scary than we), but you have accomplish success in a very funny way.

For this time my first idea was to try fill chewing bubbles with Helium and make them fly. But that didn’t work because I spent all my money in something you going to know later in this post. And Helium isn’t something easy to find in a pharmacy or a mercenary. (In fact now I remember that I didn’t search for it in “Pingo-Doce”, I should have remembered that singer from theirs commercial, she was on helium when she sang that beautiful song).

Because of that, for this time I’m only going to write a simple list regarding the 10 best gums. “Ten?” you now are thinking - “it was only 8 types of gum in that box how this s*cker is going to make a top10 with only 8 gums?” - The answer my child is – The chicken could not fly, but the dodos cannot longer live either! (Probably an “wait for it…” was more funny and effective but a lot less original).

10 – The mystery gum. From the chewing delivery, I don’t know how, but I lose one of them. So I must say that I do not enjoy much gums that run from the people!

9 – Chiclets ICE Peppermint. Even there was two of them in the box they really didn’t have convinced me. They taste really god, but, they also are a bit small, so, is more difficult to make a bubble with them. But I still must say that theirs size is cool if you like to chew during classes. (But if you really want to be a rebel try to sleep during a class sitting on the first row right in front of the teacher).

8 – Bubblicious strawberry. Nothing special about this one. As you have said the bubbles are a important item for evaluation. And the reason that makes this one the number 8 is my opinion about bubblicious’ gum, they make the better bubbles.

7 and 6 – Happydent mint and “cool weed”(oO). Two gums with a good flavor but I don’t like their bubbles. Not consistent enough to fill with helium and also a little problematic for people with dental prosthesis or invisible braces.

5 – Bubblicious Crunchy. A very different gum with a texture very funny, and like all bubblicious: “that blind (because of the glasses) cat has cool bubbles waiting for you!!!”

4 – Bubblicious Lemon and Black Cherries. The coolest gum of the list!!! I never have tried this one before, and it was a really good surprise. Make black bubbles is awesome!!! And the acid flavor is good for people who don’t like gums too sweet.

3 – Gum statues. I know they weren’t in the box. But they are really amazing and I couldn’t have made a gums post without writing something about them.

2 – GORILA. Bubblicious’ bubbles are cool and gum statues are amazing but gorila…. They are f*cking EPIC!!!! The real “old time gum”. I know them since I remember and I hope they stay as they are forever. Very hard in the beginning but softer and softer as you continue to chew, and the flavor begins very discreet but then it starts to be more intense. And don’t forget that they are the only ones who give you collectible cartoons. Really AWESOME!

1 – For this position a surprise!!! "The best gum in the world" (and the worst song too). A song made by me and a accomplice from Coimbra, who has great voice for playing drums!!!! You gonna like it! (the pictures).

About this sh*t. You should know that it was recorded with the mic from a web cam, and that was the reason for the delay of the video. I've tried to improve the sound but it was impossible.


To finalize, I hope that was (not) what you were expecting for this challenge.
See you on round 3
KISS

P.S.: I really hope you're not thinking to fail the selection post.

Carnival list

Greetings Agent B.,
I must say I found your response to my challenge quite amusing. Did you enjoy looking after food expiration dates? I hope so.

So, we went to a carnival party right? And what did we find there? Assholes dressed like clones? Well, close, but we also saw some pretty amazing disguises. So I bring you the list of the top non-asshole disguises (because the other way around might hurt some feelings):

1. Those guys who were dressed up like Snow white and the seven dwarfs. Totally kicked some asses! Unfortunally I don’t have in my possession any picture of them, but you know what I’m talking about.




2. The Dragon Ball costumes. They were AWESOME! Don’t you agree? But they didn’t make the top because the men dressed like Snow white was really sexy don’t you agree?RRAAWW



3. On this we have Alfredo, the real Alfredo. It really looked like freaking Marylin Manson!



4. The dead riding. What a set of make-up can do to people.



5. The joker. Make-up on this case could be improved, but the moony look was awesome.



6. The nigga Amélia. Did you seen her? Between the afro hair full of hair clips and the face painted black, I only recognized her when I look REAL close.


7. The cow. No description added.



8. The pimps. Fake moustaches failed but the hair pulled back had its look.



9. Sailormoon/sailor. It would reach a higher number on the list if it had came with the magic stick and blond hair. But lets not speak of blond hair.


10. The non-muscle imperor. Hmm a little bit of fat here and there would not hurt.


11. The pirate. Hats and feathers can be a burden. Perhaps the clone next time.


12. This spot is reserved to all who weren’t dressed.


13. Us! Who can honestly say that we looked like Luna Lovegood and Ben Harper? Hun? We really make the bottom of the list. Next time, we should dress like clones, or football table players, or travesties. No wait, I kinda looked like one…




So here it goes:
A package would be delivered to you by someone who shares similar DNA with you. In that package you will find different types of chewing gum: Trident, Trex, Gorila, Chiclets ICE, Happydent and several types of Bubblicious. Your mission is to tell me which of these brands are more delightful to chew and which of them makes the bigger bubble. You choose how to present the challenge. Good luck on damaging the molars.

Your challenge ends on 10/03 at 13PM.

Be safe, be well, eat fruit and remember: Opening an umbrella when its windy might get you in trouble.

Sit back and relax. It´s time for some music and movie.

And for the 2nd round Agent B. proudly presents..... Spoon

The Underdog from Spoon on Vimeo.

This is a song from their 2007 album - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (not joking) - and his name is Underdog. (my first idea was present the new single "Written In Reverse" but I like more this one)

I don't really know if you already have heard about this band, so I'm gonna write a little thing about them anyway.

Spoon is a indie rock band from Texas, they play together since 1994 and they have 7 albums, 7 EPs, 4 compilations and a lot of singles. (Wikipedia - such a wonderful place). And they have played in Portugal at the legendary edition of Paredes de Coura 2007. AWESOME!!!

And they appear in Alfredo's Project 2nd round because they have a new album - Transference.